The Personal Logs of Tom Paris
by Ronda Sexton
Summary: Tom Paris' personal logs where we see the episodes from his POV. Each log entry will be from an episode and each will mostly stand on its own unless there is a story arc like the one that set up Investigations.
1. Caretaker

The Personal Logs of Tom Paris

Author's Note: This will be a rather long project as I plan to do a log entry for all the episodes.

Caretaker

Stardate 48315.6

Personal Log, Tom Paris, Starfleet Observer

I don't even know where to begin. Captain Janeway got me out of the penal colony to help find the Marquis ship where her Tactical Officer was working undercover. Next thing you know, we were flung to the other side of the galaxy. Several people died. I have to admit not feeling too bad about Cavit or the Doctor because they treated me like dirt. Lieutenant Stadi was a different matter. She was nice enough, even with my flirtatious attitude.

Captain Janeway went to help in engineering because the chief was dead and the core was on its way to breaching. She told Harry to get down to sickbay since no one was responding down there. I had two choices...stand on the bridge and do nothing or go with Harry. We found the Doctor and his nurse dead. Harry activated the Emergency Medical Hologram—some sort of new emergency supplement to a ship's doctor. He started barking out orders, not realizing we were not medics.

Before we could even get a start on treating people, we were transported inside the array to some sort of holographic simulation of a farm. Harry and I found life signs in the barn. That's when all hell broke loose.

We were all put in some sort of lab. Needle like probes pierced our chests. The last thing I remember was Harry screaming.

We ended up back on Voyager three days later; everyone except Harry that is. The Maquis ship also had a missing crew member. Captain Janeway suggested that they work together to find them. Chakotay, Ayala, and Tuvok—Janeway's Chief of Security who was working under cover beamed over.

To say Chakotay was not happy with that or seeing me would be a vast understatement. Captain Janeway was quick to make him back down when he verbally ripped into me. I was glad because I have feeling fists would have soon followed his words.

The Captain decided to break out the compression phaser rifles. As they started to leave, I stopped her and asked to go with them. At first she thought it had something to do with what Chakotay said. I assured her it didn't, that I just didn't want anything to happen to Harry. She let me come along.

We didn't find them on the array. Only the old banjo player was there. He said we didn't have what he needed and ended up sending us back to Voyager.

We headed to a planet where the array was firing the energy pulses. As we headed there we found an alien named Neelix who offered to help us for water of all things.

We meet another alien race he called the Kazon-Olga and rescued Neelix's girlfriend from them. At first I thought it was a rather rotten trick, but then his girlfriend, Kes who was an Ocampan insisted they help us.

We beamed to the underground where the Ocampans live and began a search. After a lot of confusion, Neelix, Kes, and I found them in a tunnel. Meanwhile the Array had begun sealing the energy conduits and we couldn't be beamed up. We got to the barrier where there was a breach and got through. Neelix and I used out phasers to make an opening to escape through. After we got everyone out, I was able to contact Voyager to arrange a beam up when a energy pulse hit dust billowed up out of the hole we'd just climbed through. I couldn't get any answers to my hails to the Captain, so I ordered Voyager to beam the others back so I could help the others. Neelix stayed behind to help too.

I ended up saving Chakotay's life. I may not really like the man, but I wasn't going to let him die.

We battled with the Kazon over the array. Captain Janeway beamed over to the array to try to arrange to have both Voyager and the Maquis ship sent back to the Alpha Quadrant. I was so surprised when she told me to take the conn station.

Chakotay ended up sacrificing his ship to help save Voyager; we beamed him out just in time.

When the Captain got back to the ship and destroyed the array to save the Ocampa's. The Caretaker as they called him was dying and the battle had caused damage to the array's self destruct system. B'Elanna Torres, Chakotay's engineer went off, but Chakotay stopped her.

After things settled down, the Captain called me into her Ready Room. I found out some things in there. Chakotay and the other Maquis were going to be a part of the crew. Chakotay would make sure the Maquis crew didn't hassle me. He was going to be the First Officer and me…Tom Paris would be the Lieutenant assigned to conn.

Neelix and Kes decided to go with us with Neelix acting as our guide as we make our way back to the Alpha Quadrant. With the Captain's determination, I know we'll make it back in a lot less than 70 years.

I have a fresh start that I thought would never be possible. I am not going to let my Captain down.


	2. Paralax

**Parallax**

Tom Paris, Personal Log Stardate 48439.15

Today was wild. Voyager got caught in the event horizon of a quantum singularity. At first it seemed like it was another ship. I have always had a hard time with temporal mechanics. It got really confusing.

B'Elanna Torres and the Captain began brainstorming ways for us to get out once we learned Voyager was actually the ship stuck in the event horizon. It was almost like they were speaking a foreign language.

They had to take a shuttle to get close enough to a crack we made going in to emit a dekyon beam. I told Captain Janeway she'd need her best pilot on that shuttle and that was me. She quickly reminded me that this flight required someone who was familiar with the finer points of temporal mechanics. She took B'Elanna Torres.

While we waited I thought about the rumors circulating today. Seems B'Elanna broke Joe Carey's nose this morning after a dispute in engineering. Chakotay recommended her for Chief Engineer this morning during the senior staff meeting. After seeing B'Elanna and the Captain in action discussing temporal mechanics and what could be done to save the ship, I can see why Chakotay recommended her. She's brilliant.

Later, when B'Elanna and the Captain got back on board, the rupture they made was collapsing. I wasn't sure we'd make it, but Captain Janeway said, "…sometimes you just have to punch your way through…" We made it back to normal space and put some distance between us and the singularity before we started making repairs.

Captain Janeway did make B'Elanna Chief Engineer over Carey. Personally, I think it was a good decision. Joe Carey doesn't hold a candle to B'Elanna when it comes to ability with engines. With me at the conn and her as Chief Engineer, Voyager will be in for smooth sailing.

End Personal Log.


	3. Phage

Phage

Tom Paris Personal Log Stardate 48532.4

I was reminded today of how dangerous life in Starfleet can be. Aliens that call themselves Vidians stole Neelix's lungs. I was in sickbay trying to help the doctor. I have never felt so helpless in my life. The bio-chemistry courses dad insisted I take are not a lot of use for me as a medic. I don't remember that much of them anyway. The Doctor's attitude doesn't help either. Knowing that one day someone's life could be in my hands scares the hell out of me. If I screw up, I could kill them. I don't know enough to do this…I don't want anyone else to die because of me.

We followed the ship that belonged to the aliens we think took Neelix's lungs. The Captain called me to the bridge…flying is so much easier than being a medic. Flying into the asteroid was a challenge…even for the best pilot on the ship which happens to be me.

We managed to capture the Vidians. They looked hideous. Some sort of disease they call the Phage has wrecked their society. They harvest organs from other species. One of them had Neelix's lungs. They have very sophisticated medical technology. Much better than ours is, that much is certain.

With their help, one of Kes' lungs was transplanted into Neelix. Both of them are going to be fine. The Doctor wants to train Kes as a medical assistant too. Maybe I won't have to be stuck in sickbay after all. Flying is what I do best, and I just want to stick to that.


	4. The Cloud

The Cloud

Tom Paris, Personal Log 48546.2

Today we encounter what we thought was nebula…only to discover it was a life form. Before we knew that it was a life form we rammed the ship through it and shot a photon torpedo through. After discovering it was a life form and that we had wounded it, the Captain decreed we had to fix it.

I don't mind admitting I was scared when we ended up deeper in the life form than before.

While we were trying to regenerate the damaged tissue I found out the Captain likes dogs. I always had a dog growing up. Dad was fond of German Shepherds. Nemo was my favorite of all them. He went everywhere I did. After I was cashiered out of Starfleet, I wanted to take him with me, but dad refused to let me come to the house. I wonder if Nemo is still alive. He was a good friend…especially when dad was going overboard.

On a lighter note, I introduced Harry to my favorite holoprogram. Sandrine's is a wonderful little bar in France. It's my own piece of home out here in the Delta Quadrant. Harry claims to remember being in his mother's womb. He still has a lot to learn…but then so do most of…me included.

I decided to open the program to anyone tonight, and Harry showed up along with Captain Janeway. I was absolutely mortified when the gigolo propositioned her. I got between them and began to apologize. She laughed it off and let me know she was glad I hadn't changed the program because she would have "missed all the fun." She's a good sport. A lot better than B'Elanna…she called Gary a pig and called me one too.

The Captain really surprised us all with her pool skills. She pretended not know a lot about the game. I nearly dropped my drink when she asked Chakotay for his "stick." Talk about innuendo…She broke and sank several balls at the same time. I don't think I'll be playing for money with her…I think she could beat any of the pool hustlers I programmed to play.

I'm glad she joined us in the holodeck. I've thought about what Harry said. We're the only people out here. We all have to be there for each other and make our lives in the here and now. End personal log.


	5. Eye of the Needle

Eye of the Needle

Tom Paris, Personal Log Stardate 48579.4

Today Harry found a wormhole. He was so excited. Most of the crew was excited. I had to put up a good front for everyone else. I am probably the only one who doesn't really want to get back. Auckland is the only thing waiting for me. I'm surprised that the Maquis want to get back. The Captain would have to hand them over to Federation authorities. I would think they wouldn't want to go back anymore than I do.

I do feel for the folks who do have something or someone to go home to. When the wormhole ended up ending up 20 years in the past the first thing that crossed my mind was "not another temporal anomaly thing." Those things are so damn confusing. At first Harry pushed for going back anyway saying 20 years in the past was better than being stuck out here. The Captain nixed that. The Romulan we contacted agreed to deliver our messages at the proper time as to not contaminate the time line. I decided to send a message to my mom and my sisters. My dad…I don't think he'd read it anyway, so I didn't bother. I don't even know if my mom and my sisters will get it. The Romulan died four years ago…I hope that somehow he arranged with an heir to send the messages. I really would like my mom and sisters to know I am alive and well…but on the other hand….knowing that I'm so far away might do more harm than good. End personal log.


	6. Ex Post Facto

Expo Facto

Tom Paris, personal log, Stardate 48610.1

I really messed up. If it hadn't been for Tuvok investigating, I'd probably be dead now…or a vegetable.

We were on the Banean home world to get some help improve our navigation systems. I got bored… a lot of that technical stuff is so dry… so I went and starting talking to Lidell. She was mysterious…If I had heeded her warning…well none of this probably would have happened…I tend not to listen…

Lidell was so beautiful…here was a woman who was married…not happily…but that still didn't make it right. I was so attracted to her. She told me it was over between her and her husband. I can't believe I was so naïve. She and the doctor who implanted the engrams were in league with the Numiri … their people's enemies.

She drugged me…then the doctor killed her husband. The first time those engrams made me relive Tolen's death…I KNEW it was not what happened. It was so weird…

Tuvok ended up melding with me to view the memory for himself. He found the clues that proved me innocent. It was the Benean doctor who murdered Tolen. I was being used to transport technical data to the enemy.

The engrams are gone now, and our Doctor says I'll be fine. I went and thanked Tuvok and told him he had a friend. If it weren't for him…I don't even want to think about what would have happened to me.

I've learned my lesson too. She was wrong, I knew from the beginning…I will not make that mistake again.

End personal long.


	7. Faces

Faces

Tom Paris, personal log Stardate 48784.2

This mission is one that I will never forget. I wouldn't be surprised if B'Elanna and I both have nightmares.

We were kidnapped by the Vidiians. I was in command. Pete Durst and I were taken to dig tunnels. At first, we didn't know where they had taken B'Elanna. Pete got mad at one of the Vidiians for pushing him. I had to stop him and remind him that they were the ones with the guns.

I was in command so I was responsible for the safety of the landing party. I was worried about B'Elanna. As soon as we figured out where she was and got her, we'd all have to find a way to escape.

When they finally brought B'Elanna back…I still can barely believe it…they had extracted all of her Klingon DNA. She was fully human. Somehow, without her Klingon side, she was more open. She told me about her childhood. Her dad abandoned her.

The Vidiians came to take Pete, I tried to stop them. In the end, Pete repeated my words back me…."They're the ones with the guns." Later we found out that Sulan, the Vidiian who extracted her DNA had Pete's face grafted on his own.

I also saw the Klingon B'Elanna. She had rescued the Human B'Elanna when she was caught using the computer in the barracks. Later in the lab, the Human B'Elanna was using the computer to access the force field grid. That's when Chakotay and I entered the lab. Sulan was about to shoot her when Chakotay aimed and ordered him to drop the weapon. It turned out he had another hidden weapon. He was about to kill the human B'Elanna when her Klingon self took the blast meant for her. We beamed out just after that.

B'Elanna will be in sickbay for several days while her Klingon DNA is re-integrated into her cellular structure. I'll check in on her later today. I'm glad she'll be okay. I feel really bad about Pete. Chakotay and the Captain talked me…they say I'm not to blame. My head knows their right, but that doesn't make it any easier to accept.

I hope B'Elanna doesn't pull back from me now that I've seen her so vulnerable. We've become friends, and I don't want to lose her friendship.

End Personal Log


End file.
